somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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