You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
