# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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