conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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