Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
