I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
