Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
