No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
