So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
