awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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