So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
