So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
