i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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