dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
