Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize