I want to make a zoo with you.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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