batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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