my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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