I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Terrible idea I love it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
