My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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