they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
