what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
