Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
