Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
