Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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