Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
