I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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