You're so nebulous sometimes
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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