I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
