Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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