so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
