plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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