Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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