"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I touched a dick in church today
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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