I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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