We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
