Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
