the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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