She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
