im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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