my soul wont recognize me after tonight
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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