I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
