turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
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I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
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Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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