I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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