btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just found puke in my bra..
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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