My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
