By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
