chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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