i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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