if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
