THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have already put on my inside pants.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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