where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Send help, water and tortillas.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
