I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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