My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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