All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
