Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
