dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
