ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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