My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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