I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
