yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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