a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
