I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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