I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
