i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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