so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
