My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
