Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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