Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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