mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
