The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
