She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
