matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
