life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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