she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
