There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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