Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
