I accidentally had phone sex last night
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
