I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
