i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
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I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
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How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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